A loud cry from inside




In the darkness swirling deep in my thoughts, it’s so quiet and I feel so abandoned that I fear the sound of the storm, the lighting in the sky. I turn off my heart and let all the feelings fly.
Dancing with my mind, I confess, I deny. I deny the dark, I deny the light.
Your spell has disturbed my spirit, surrounding my feelings with fear, nothing old, and nothing new, it is just you. I’m roaming into the calm, and yet I am afraid to still find you there by my side.
You’re blocking my rhythm. I’m mystified with colors I’m amused with sounds, I’m congested with all the feelings left by our relentless, I’m seeking for a belief, and I am tired, my mind is exhausted. I want to sink into eternity, lock the door and keep my fear out side.
I can make a choice so fast, that I can’t tell if it’s a blessing or trap. I am a fool; I am addicted to the chaos, to chase your face, addicted to your heat, your thoughts, and your life.
The devil has me by the hair; I could fight, but I wouldn’t dare touch the time, because you know that I am addicted to the bad. You are standing there under whites skies, watching me, waiting, ready, knowing that once I felt safe. I cannot see any sings, I let my feeling guide me. It’s dark, the air is heavy, I try to keep my hands together, walking slowly, I recognize a smell – I’m close I can tell – I’m ready to be safe again.

Now, the colors are bright and I cannot see your face, I cannot find my way…
I am desperate, I am confused, confused by my thoughts and yet I have made a choice.



~Vane. Nov/2005